ok my boys son hasn’t seen him for 4 years as he refuses to come over but he’ll ring me every two weeks to see how i am going i haven’t anserwed the phone to him in about a year but he still rings same time and day every two weeks and leaves the same message "hey how ya going just wanted a chat how’s work and everything well might catch you next time" he never asks or asked about his son until i said do you want to talk to alex he’d say he was busy and had to go he recently had a baby with his new girlfriend and posted on facebook that he’s a proud first time dad my son saw it as he’s one of his father’s friends on facebook and broke down in tears he turned to me and said "doesn’t daddy troy love me anymore? he says he’s a first time father but i’m his son aren’t i?" i have no idea how to answer him so i told him that daddy troy still loved him he just moved very far away and can’t see him that often anymore which is a lie he lives 5 minutes from us i talked to a solicitor and he sent a letter of demand for 9 years back child support as he has paid nothing for him not even for outings i would give him money so he could go places with him is this wrong should i just let it be or should i proceed with the letter of demand? i don’t want to come across as a bitch for only asking for money from him now but i know i wont get any help from him otherwise what should i do?
Are you thinking about selling your home yourself? then
Wow! I understand not wanting to say anything bad about your sons father to him but the fact is is that though he may have donated the sperm he is NOT a father. You need to be strait to the point honest about this with the boys biological father next time he calls. Say it like it is. "Your little boy is VERY hurt about what you wrote and I don’t think it was very truthful or kind to say that." Stop lying to the boy it isn’t helping him anymore, he is young but children are perceptive and need to be dealt with honestly just like anyone else. You DON’T NEED money from his father, you can do this on your own. Just ask that if he does not wish to claim your son as his son that he sign over ALL rights and and drop the privilege of being his father. Tell your son that you love him very much and I will always love you very much. Say Daddy Troy has a problem and it makes it so he isn’t a good daddy and that is very sad for him but it doesn’t mean that he isn’t loved very very much because no matter what anyone does he will always be loved. Really your ex is horrible for just abandoning his son and pretending basically to the whole world that he never happened. He needs to be cut out of his life until your son is old enough to talk to him if he wants to. He is just too young and it isn’t fair for him to associate his dad’s inability to be responsible or loving with something he has done wrong. All children do this they think there is something wrong with them if someone is unkind. Don’t ask for money, just get rid of him he sounds like a real deadbeat. When you keep lying for his father you are enabling him to keep confusing and hurting your son.(Calling on the phone is a non-committal way to stay in the picture, and most likely is an emotionally manipulative ploy to get you to not demand child support – it isn’t good enough) If you are going to ask for money- then stick it to him and use the money to do great things for your little boy.