my fiancee left me when i was 6 months pregnant a year ago and treated me appallingly, it has been a very tough year for me but also happy in many ways due to the birth ofmy son but tinged with such sadness as it wasnt they way i wanted it all to be. however im a year on and i still have bitter feelings towards him as so much has gone on..he doesnt see his son but it is currently via solicitors and is trying to be sorted out (maintenance etc) as he has never provided a penny/ However, my real question is will the horrible feelings i harbour towards him go away and should i allow them to go away when he treated me so badly (its too much to tell you about on here) but mentally cruel things. i want them to go away but then i feel like i have forgiven him and i dont want to do that as i dont believe he deserves forgiveness as hes not one bit remorseful. and if i forgive its like im condoning his behaviour and i dont. so i feel stuck on how to cope with this situation as i dont want to feel like this forever and i want to move on but feel like its impossible to do that. please help?
to sweet boss… i thought i needed help!!!!!!
Are you thinking about selling your home yourself? then
I was in a similar situation and even though I don’t think he was deserving of it or remorseful I forgave the man. In my heart I felt a big sigh of relief. Now I am not saying everything will go away over night, but it gives you some sense of peace.
If you hold a grudge it will come back and your son will feel that at some point in his life. You owe it to your son to deal with this now and put it in the past where it belongs. Move on and make a great life for the two of you.
God Bless
You let go of the crap for your own sake. It’s not letting him off the hook or condoning his behavior, it’s allowing you to heal.
Those thoughts will go away. Raising a son by yourself will take up most of your mental energy. I should know… he left me when I was 3 months pregnant, haven’t seen him since.
Welcome to The World of Single Motherhood.
P.S. I advise you let go of the notion of "keeping him on the hook" or "holding him responsible". When a man gets an abortion, there’s nothing we can do. A child support check will bring you no satisfaction when your son asks you why he doesn’t have a daddy. It’s just you and him now, until the end of time. Take comfort in that.
Forgive but do not forget!
When you forgive someone, it’s not for them. It’s for you. Holding on to anger and bitterness will only make you angry and bitter. It won’t hurt him a bit. It will have a constant negative effect on your life. I’m sure you don’t want that for you or your son. So forgive and move on with your life. He hurt you once, don’t let him continue to do it. Go be happy. That’s the best revenge.
You have to let go of it for your own sake. It’s not hurting him by hanging onto it… It’s hurting YOU and you alone. You’re the one who is dealing with your anger and being hurt by it, not him. Once you let of it, you’ll feel a lot better and it’ll be a lot healthier for you. It has nothing at all to do with him anymore. Good luck to you.
You are over thinking this situation. You know how many people are left alone to raise children by themselves? The numbers would make your head spin. This guy has to live with himself and the decision he has made. You should worry about you. Focus on the things in life that make you happy. Set goals for yourself and where you want to be in life. Forget about him. Be the better person. Raise your child the best way you know how. You don’t have to forgive him, you don’t owe him anything. But you do owe it to yourself to not let him ruin your daily life. Turn the page of life and move on.
when you grow up you will forgive him but won’t forget it. forgiving is not about condoning him it’s about getting on with your life, you two ae no longer together but yet he still is in control. try to let it go.
Well at least your son has a wonderful mother in his life I commend you for that. You probably always will have these bitter feelings for your ex as you should he sounds like a total douche bag!! I know those hateful feelings go deep but feeling that way is not helping you to move on. You don’t ever have to forgive him cuz he doesn’t deserve your forgiveness just put those feelings aside and forget about him totally as if he were gone off the face of the earth. He doesn’t even deserve you thinking about him at all even if it’s not good thoughts. Just go on with your life and give your son a good happy life.
With time all this will become just a memory and you will be able to move past him. You still have ill feelings toward him because all that has happened is still fresh in your mind but yes, one day these feelings will diminish and disappear completely over time
I don’t think its him that you have trouble forgiving so much as much as you have trouble forgiving yourself for having made a bad pick to have as father for your child. Forgive yourself for being fooled into thinking that this man could be anything more than what he is – a dead beat dad, and move on with your life. We all make mistakes. If we accept that, learn from them, we can and should move on with our lives a better person.
Live it not in hate and anger, nor in bitterness, but in joy for the sake of your child, and your own sanity.
I feel like its wasting your energy on another person. It will be strange to him when your nice to him he won’t understand. Always keep him at a distance b/c he doesn’t deserve your friendship but don’t waste your emotions on him when he’s not worth it. You’ll see you’ll better as a person, seems like you want to overcome this bitter feeling towards him. He’s in your life forever b/c of your baby, you don’t have to like him just respect him as a person. I came to the states to live with my family and they treated me so unfairly but as time past. I became an adult and realized I don’t need them and I’m responsible for my own feelings and emotions and I chose to forgive and be happy. I keep them at a distance b/c I don’t anyone forgets the heartaches another causes them. So work on you. Don’t worry about him too much.
In time your bad feelings will soften as long as you don’t allow yourself to dwell on them all the time. Don’t allow yourself to stay worked up and angry all the time over him, he is not worth it. Try to stay focused on the good things in your life and enjoy your child to the fullest. He is the one who is missing out, not knowing his own son. If he doesn’t wish to see the child I know that will make you even more angry but think of it this way, he won’t have the opportunity to set examples for your son that you may disagree with entirely. I think it is harder on boys to be raised not knowing their father and should be if at all possible but at the same time if your son is not around him he won’t be as apt to pick up his father’s morals. You have been through alot and you need time to adjust so I doubt what you are feeling is very abnormal. Just stay focused on the two of you and your happiness and forget the looser. You will eventually find someone you will love and who will in turn love you and your son. Be patient.