Before i go along ill give some of the details.
im 15 years old (16 very soon), and my bfs 16 years old.
Im 33 weeks pregnant, and hes the father. His mother holds
a large grudge against mine, for stupid reasons that my mum has no idea what shes talking about.
Ok. so 10 mins ago i called my bfs mum too see if he was there, she started going on about how half of the baby bonus (If you dont live in australia, Look up AUS BABY BONUS on googe-basically its a sum of money that you get for having the baby too help you buy stuff for the child and keep you financially stable for the first few months) anyways, she started going on about how half of it belongs too my boyfriend, and that shes going too put it in a trust fund for the baby. (I had no objection too that cos i was already doing the same). Thing is. The trust fund will only be accesable too her and my boyfriend. They are both drug adicts and alcoholics, she wants too get a solicitor, too make all the arrangements and is doing that WITH MY BOYFRIEND tomorrow. She has been threatning me all throughout this pregnancy, and i cant take it. Im stressing out so much. (im crying at the moment).I keep telling my boyfriend too stop stiring sh*t between my family and his but he just keeps going. His mum doesnt have a right to anything does she?
I dont know what too do. i wish i was never bringing such a beautiful think like my daughter into such a hatefull family like theres.
my mothers calling a solicitor tomorrow morning. =]
Are you thinking about selling your home yourself? then
If you’re seeing a solicitor, get advice on how to make sure your b/f mother doesn’t harrass your mother. Your b/fs mother can go to solicitors until she’s blue in the face, there is NO WAY she (or he) can gets their hands on money only you are entitled to.
The baby is not an excuse to get some money. The baby is a big and longterm responsibility and expense, that is why the bonus was introduced to help. So don’t worry about them seeing a solicitor.
In fact, your boyfriend OWES YOU child support, from as soon as he starts working (or even from the dole).
You yourself don’t need advice about the money. It does not belong to the parents, plural. It is paid to the MOTHER of the child and is meant for the child’s benefit. It is not a prize for being irresponsible.
Put the money into an account you and your mother can handle; at your age you cannot run a trust fund, and it is too small at $5000 to afford paying fees to the solicitor to held you run it. Ring the Public Trustee in your State to see if they can help you with this, and what it would cost. I do know they do trusts for older people. Or you can put it in a bank term deposit, which pays fairly good interest, but you have to give a week or month notice totake any out, which saves you from using it on an impulse.
Unfortunately the only solution to the overall problem might be to break up with this boyfriend. But give him a chance, see if his attitude changes any once the baby is born. He sounds too much under his other’s influence, and the drugs bit does not sound too good either.
You will be very busy with the baby everyday, anyway. If your mum is going to help you with the baby, look for a way to finish your schooling, or go to a Tafe college for a course, so you can get a decent job. Don’t count on living on the Single Parent benefit, as it is really not enough to live on, especially if you later want to leave home.
You do not HAVE to spend the money directly on the baby – some families for example use it to buy a better used car that won’t always break down, so the father can drive to a further but better paying job.This benefits them all. But baby things – bassinet, carry/car seat, clothing, you can get beautiful ones in Vinnies or Salvo’s shops, for next to nothing. So you don’t need to spend any of the bonus on these. Keep that for emergencies, or if you do get a good jo later, add to it towards your child’s education.
I think the intention of the baby bonus is to use it for things for the baby, so half of it is not your bf’s and certainly isn’t up to his mum to make that decision. Im all for saving for your childs future, but that money is given by the governemnt with the intention of setting up your home in order to care for the child.
She has no right to do that, and will not be able to access the money anyway. God, your situation sounds so horrible, I can understand why you are upset!
Seperate from her as much as you can, what she is doing is ridiculous, get the support of your parents, talk to someone about this, it is not right.
Hun, Ive just been looking through some of your past questions, I ntoiced I had actually answered some of your questions before. Your situation sounds awful, you must be so scared constantly. I just keep wondering, do your parent sknow the full extent of your situation? I think it is really important that you go and tell someone EVERYTHING that is happening in your life, you dont have to live like this. There are people and organisations who can help. You could go to your own family, and explore your options together, if thats not an option, go ask an organisation for their help, you can call lifeline and get linked in with some services who can help you look at accomodation and relationship issues, legal issues, everything you need to know. You can access social work services in many places, and if they cant help you, they can link you in with other services. You can access them at hospitals, at Centrelink, at schools, in the yellow pages, even through your GP. Just read back through all the questions you have asked, it really paints a sad picture, and you dont have to live like that!
You really need to hire a solicitor and do this the right way, unfortunately there are bad people out there who will do bad things for money, but usually those bad people also carry a bad record. Hire a solicitor and make sure you do this shit the proper way, you dont want to risk the welfare of your child for making a decision while you can.
I’m afraid that your young age makes you an easy target to be pushed around. You are just a child yourself and now you are having a child.
You need to make some enquiries to Centrelink yourself and you will probably find that the money is paid to you and you don’t have to halve it with your bf no matter what his mother is threatening. Don’t sign anything allowing them to have half the money.lf you were going to put it in a trust fund for your daughter anyway then put it all in…there is no need for them to have half if they were supposedly doing this anyway.
You are soon to be a parent so you have to grow up fast and fight your own battles…don’t allow yourself to be pushed around.
I don’t even have to look that up to tell you no, she doesn’t have the right to do that. I don’t know the laws well enough to help you beyond that but do not let her touch that money!
Is there a family planning or counseling center you can go to? Somewhere you can call? Any family you can speak to?
Goodluck and you can always take your daughter and find a way out
Get a lawyer pronto so you can avoid all of this. Personally I’d take the money and put it ALL into a trust fund that only you can access. The fact that she views the money as "his" sounds fishy. I think that she may initially put the money into a trust fund, but it won’t be long before she’s or he is dipping into it for drugs. When the officials ask, let them know that they are alcoholics and drug users.
I also think that you need to split from your boyfriend. If he’s taking drugs & alcohol, he won’t be a proper father. Add onto that fact that he and his mother is causing trouble, trying to TAKE MONEY AWAY FROM YOUR UNBORN BABY, he’s a very bad father figure! Get away from him now while you can!
Bottom line: He’s not entitled to a red cent. From what I could gather, the money goes to YOU, not to HIM! It’s meant to provide a good start to the baby, and honestly… I don’t see that coming from his family at all. I think that you need to put your foot down and call the bonus people to let them know what is going on. DON’T GIVE HIM ANYTHING!!!! HE JUST WANTS TO SPEND IT ON DRUGS AND ALCOHOL!!!!
Well unfortunately you chose him to father your baby whether it was an accident or not. When ever you have sex you put your self at risk, but I’m sure you know that.
How is your relationship with your parents?
No, his mother has no right to the money. If she is acting that way, I would cut her off and him too. She should be more concerned for you than the money.
A lot of times, mothers and fathers look at their children as the victims if their child gets someone pregnant or becomes pregnant. Your boyfriend’s mother clearly views her son as the victim.
I don’t know how you feel about your boyfriend, but if he is on drugs and so on and you really love this baby, you are going to have t ask him to back off and get his self clean for a while before he can be in your life and your child’s life.
As far as the money goes, I would assume that since you guys are not married, then the money goes to the mother. However make sure you are showing everyone that you are clearly using the money to support the baby so that the others do not become angry. YOU and your parents should make the decision for what the baby needs.
Tell your boyfriend that if he sobers up, then he can HELP you decide where he wants 1/2 of the money to go towards, BUT he will not take 1/2 of the money and make it to where you can’t touch it. If he wants to use 1/2 of it for a trust fund, then say "Sure! But OUR names only will be on it, and we can’t touch the money until our daughter is ready for college." Make it to where neither he nor his mother has access to it.
It sounds like you are in a sticky situation, but talk to your parents and let them know you are concerned for your safety a little bit because of how your boyfriend’s mother is handling this situation.
Good Luck and Big Hugs!
ahmmmmmmmmmm…
i’m not expert to that but i guess you should seek legal advice form a lawyer considering that they were drug addicts……
goOdluck to you and to your little angel out there kid….
Firstly, no one has rights to your child but you, that is when the baby is born, i suggest you give the child your surname so that the father and the family has no rights! secondly if you say the mother of your child’s father them both are drug addicts and alcoholics, then you should really stay as far away from those ppl as you can go see a lawyer for some advise as to do about the baby bonus! this sounds very serious! but don’t worry too much -just go see a lawyer- mothers get the fullest rights! and i highly suggest that you stay away from those ppl! they are just gonna cause you and your child more problems in the future and it could become really nasty! Anyway, congrats on the baby! i know you will be a great mother and you will do the best you can to protect your daughter! You will be fine, you will have all the support you need! i will keep you in my prayers! x
Use the baby bonus for exactly what it is for. That stops all this straight away. Buy baby needs, keep bills and receipts etc if you must but use the baby bonus now and over the next few months.
If you were going to start a fund for the baby then do it yourself as a separate measure and suggest your boyfriend does the same.
Its sad to say so but addicts are not able to put the needs of others first.
You sound like an articulate and sensible girl who wants to do well by her baby. Try and avoid getting agitated and try to be clear about the positive emotions and financial security you will need for some time now. Do the things that will help you towards those. Good luck.
sorry can’t help u i’m too lonely today
Hasn’t the baby bonus changed now to a fortnightly payment? I though that was what was happening after the last budget release as at 1 July….. not a lump sum?
Edited to add: No I just checked, it is still a lump sum. It is paid to the primary carer, so forget your bf’s mother. It won’t be any of her business regardless of how it is paid. However, it is supposed to be spent on the baby, and believe me, it will cost this much to set up and get what you need in the first few months!!
You’re a mother now, which means you have to put your child first, now matter how hard & difficult it may be for you. . .
this means. . .
If a trust fund is made, it should ONLY be accessible by YOUR CHILD!!
What is she threatening you with?
Face it sweetie, you’re the one with power. You have the money she wants. . .
If she stresses you out, distance yourself. Just don’t be around her.
Word of advice for after baby’s born: If your bf’s mom is ever rude to you or your child while you are with her, LEAVE. Make up some excuse & leave immediatly. If on the phone, get off… SHe has to learn that being rude has consequences. If you let her be rude, she’ll keep doing it.
It’s the same as training a dog: be consistent. Do it every time.
YOU & YOUR BABY FIRST!!
Realize that you’re happiness is very important. You’ll be the best mom you can id you’re happy (happiness is contagious.) If you’re miserable & stressed a lot, it’ll be bad for your kid. Your neg mood will rub off on her, & you’ll be too unhappy to play with her & provide a positive, supportive environment. . .
I’m a 21 year old dancer in college with tons of advice. Feel free to email me whenever. I find it really helpful to talk to neutral people who don’t know you/interact with you & that can’t effect your life first hand. . .
Funny thing is is that the money from the baby bonus is for your daughter and no one else, so your boyfriends mother can’t do anything with it.